Total darkness and total silence

August 14, 2006

Hello everyone

I am recovering from pneumonia, yes, infection of the chest, lungs. I don't know how I caught it, but it brought me down to floor and stepped on me with no mercy.

I have never felt so weak and fragile in my entire life, it was an awful feeling, feeling of fear and nothingness. I expend the last week doing two of my favorites things, sleeping and trying to sleep. Last Monday and Tuesday were the two worth days, I was sick, but I still didn't know, why ? Monday, day time was a bit normal, just generally, all around not feeling well, I decided to go to my normal treadmill work-out. What a shock. In my warming up routine, I just could not bend my body, I also could barely breathe, I tried pulling my arm down on my back and it hurt, Something was wrong.
I hit the treadmill anyway and I could not breathe, breathing was painful, I can do it only in a short, shallow rhythm that can't maintain and strenuous walk, so brought down the speed till I could do it, I settle @ 2.5 mph and was able to do 30 min, but it was a nightmare, the guy beside me was pounding the mill @ 9.5mph and the noise was getting me irritated, I pumped the volume on my mp3 player to the top, but still could hear the noise. The lights were bothering me, the temperature of the room was too cold, I felt like everything bothered me.


Monday Night, I did not sleep, I couldn't lay down on the bed as the pain on my ribcages was too big and I could not breathe, I tried sleeping sitting down but could not find the right position and my mind just flew away un-constrained, Took me everywhere, from childhood to my last years, naked or dressed it was quite a night. After the fact I think I got maybe 1 hour total sleep time, Tuesday, I tried to put a normal face until I tried moving, walking, standing, any body movement required a huge struggle in my breathing pattern, to avoid pain. So I decided I need help, set an appointment for later that afternoon and go see the doctor, then I spend the day trying to catch up on my sleep.

That night, being diagnosed, I felt a bit better, emotionally but still so weak that I could barely maintain a conversation. The sleeping didn't go as well, I Think I slept more than the day before but still restless and overexcited with my mind wandering into every galaxy in the universe. That night I got desperate, so I went and unplugged every single electric artifact I thought was making noise or keeping any light shining. Total darkness and total silence, like a black hole.


Starting from Last Wednesday, I was able to sleep on a normal way, laying down on a bed, as it didn't hurt anymore, and I've been catching up on my sleeping since then. I still feel like if a MAC truck paved the street with me, but no more pain, just a general feeling of being weak. During last week I totally lost my appetite, so bad that I barely ate for the whole week, I force feed me a Subway last Friday and had the occasional soup, still today anything I eat feels funny, not the right taste.


I hope I can get back to my normal routine sometime this week.

Roddy

3 comments:

angelfish24 said...

Sorry to hear that you are sick. It sounds like hell. Hope your are up and feeling better soon.

Kimberly said...

Blech! That sounds horrid! I can't even imagine. Pneumonia! I'm so sorry, and I hope you get back to yourself asap.

alex said...

ditto. glad youre feeling better.
i like the way you write too, very capturing. we need to hangout soon old man. go for a walk or something.

take care pops,
alex