Total darkness and total silence

August 14, 2006

Hello everyone

I am recovering from pneumonia, yes, infection of the chest, lungs. I don't know how I caught it, but it brought me down to floor and stepped on me with no mercy.

I have never felt so weak and fragile in my entire life, it was an awful feeling, feeling of fear and nothingness. I expend the last week doing two of my favorites things, sleeping and trying to sleep. Last Monday and Tuesday were the two worth days, I was sick, but I still didn't know, why ? Monday, day time was a bit normal, just generally, all around not feeling well, I decided to go to my normal treadmill work-out. What a shock. In my warming up routine, I just could not bend my body, I also could barely breathe, I tried pulling my arm down on my back and it hurt, Something was wrong.
I hit the treadmill anyway and I could not breathe, breathing was painful, I can do it only in a short, shallow rhythm that can't maintain and strenuous walk, so brought down the speed till I could do it, I settle @ 2.5 mph and was able to do 30 min, but it was a nightmare, the guy beside me was pounding the mill @ 9.5mph and the noise was getting me irritated, I pumped the volume on my mp3 player to the top, but still could hear the noise. The lights were bothering me, the temperature of the room was too cold, I felt like everything bothered me.

Monday Night, I did not sleep, I couldn't lay down on the bed as the pain on my ribcages was too big and I could not breathe, I tried sleeping sitting down but could not find the right position and my mind just flew away un-constrained, Took me everywhere, from childhood to my last years, naked or dressed it was quite a night. After the fact I think I got maybe 1 hour total sleep time, Tuesday, I tried to put a normal face until I tried moving, walking, standing, any body movement required a huge struggle in my breathing pattern, to avoid pain. So I decided I need help, set an appointment for later that afternoon and go see the doctor, then I spend the day trying to catch up on my sleep.

That night, being diagnosed, I felt a bit better, emotionally but still so weak that I could barely maintain a conversation. The sleeping didn't go as well, I Think I slept more than the day before but still restless and overexcited with my mind wandering into every galaxy in the universe. That night I got desperate, so I went and unplugged every single electric artifact I thought was making noise or keeping any light shining. Total darkness and total silence, like a black hole.

Starting from Last Wednesday, I was able to sleep on a normal way, laying down on a bed, as it didn't hurt anymore, and I've been catching up on my sleeping since then. I still feel like if a MAC truck paved the street with me, but no more pain, just a general feeling of being weak. During last week I totally lost my appetite, so bad that I barely ate for the whole week, I force feed me a Subway last Friday and had the occasional soup, still today anything I eat feels funny, not the right taste.

I hope I can get back to my normal routine sometime this week.



angelfish24 said...

Sorry to hear that you are sick. It sounds like hell. Hope your are up and feeling better soon.

Kimberly said...

Blech! That sounds horrid! I can't even imagine. Pneumonia! I'm so sorry, and I hope you get back to yourself asap.

alex said...

ditto. glad youre feeling better.
i like the way you write too, very capturing. we need to hangout soon old man. go for a walk or something.

take care pops,